by guest blogger, B. Lyttle, who has over five years experience in law and finance writing, and is a contributor for the Santa Barbara divorce attorney firm.

Getting a divorce is a tough situation for the married couple especially if issues like child custody and money matters are involved. Hiring a divorce lawyer is an important part of this process and requires good thought before you hire a lawyer for yourself.

A good divorce attorney will solve your case at a proper pace and by following proper procedure. On the other hand, an unnecessarily adversarial lawyer may make the things even harder and cause more conflicts to arise between you and your spouse.

Unfortunately, if you’ve picked the wrong divorce lawyer who is only increasing the rift between the two parties, here are five tips for you to handle an unnecessarily adversarial divorce lawyer:

1.  Be reasonable instead of being angry

Having a fight is not the solution to divorce. Some lawyers do think that indulging in the fight would end the entire conflict and successfully bring about a divorce. This is seldom correct. Follow your reasons instead of your anger.   Fights between the spouses are created sometimes because of adversarial lawyers.   Tell your attorney that you need a divorce and not a fight. Tell him or her to reach to the solution by following a proper path or it will only increase your stress and nothing else.

2.  Follow a collaborative approach

This is a good way to solve the problems in a bad marriage situation. Both you and your spouse decide to consult with collaborative lawyers to solve your disputes because of different point of views. This is known as the collaborative approach. Tell your lawyer that you want this type of divorce. He or she will work out the major issues on which the case rests. If at any point of time, he or she does not work according to your desires, you can hire another lawyer.

3.  Involve yourself proactively

This will ensure that the lawyer is not acting in an unnecessarily adversarial manner. Know about the position of your case in the court of law and inquire about the communications of lawyer to the court. If any kind of objectionable or conflict causing language is used at any time in the documents, you can get it removed. Follow the systematic steps to file the divorce petition and the process that follows. This will help in getting you the divorce as soon as possible and avoid any type of delay.

4.  Make your lawyer follow your instructions

You should make sure that you are giving instructions to your lawyer. Otherwise the divorce can not only be delayed but also you face the consequences in your divorce of the unnecessarily adversarial nature of the lawyer.  You want to get divorced but you do not need to destroy family relationships forever.   A divorce does not mean end of everything. You should opt for a peaceful separation and not participate in tactics that are misguided by an unnecessarily adversarial lawyer.

5.  Solve issues with minimum conflict

Try to solve all the major issues like property division, child custody etc without getting involved in excessive fights and conflicts. These are sensitive issues that must be handled with care.

In a nutshell, divorce can be painful situation for both the partners. Try to reduce this pain by being reasonable and get out of it without getting involved in the conflicts.