The Un-Divorced


The Un-Divorced” is an article in The New York Times by Pamela Paul.  It describes what may be a growing trend in relationships in which two people are living separate lives but see no reason to divorce.  They may even be living with another paramour.  They file joint tax returns and stay on the same health insurance policy.  They might keep each other as pension and life insurance beneficiaries.

As John Frost, 58, says, “Why bring in a bunch of lawyers? Why create rancor when there’s nowhere to go but down?”

I call this Option Zero.  I tell my clients you have two options.  One is a Separation Agreement.  Two is a divorce.  Oh yes, and there is Option Zero.  Do nothing.  Stay married.  Be un-divorced.

Most do not go for Option Zero.  Some want to get remarried.  Some are desperately unhappy with their lives in the status quo and want to move on.  Others do not want to keep contributing to the marital asset pot.  A few, however, can tolerate being un-divorced.