Robin Rivers has posted an interview on OurBigEarth.com with Calvin Sandborn, lawyer and author of The Kind Father.
Sandborn says that we learn to talk to ourselves in our heads with the same voice that we learned from our father. In trying to teach children to be successful and assert control or power over others, the traditional father addresses his son from a height and treats him harshly. (“Show him you’re boss!” “Suck it up!” “Don’t be a wuss!”)
The son uses the same voice that his father did when talking to himself. As a result, the son’s inner life becomes a harsh place. He tortures himself with cruel self-talk, has contempt for himself and then transfers that contempt to those around him.
The answer, says Sandborn, is to begin to treat yourself compassionately. Banish the Harsh Father in your self-talk. Speak daily to yourself with kind and encouraging words. If you can do this, then you can become your own Kind Father and have more compassionate relationships with your children and others around you.