Tag Archive for: parenting

Would You Let Your Children Walk Home Alone

Rafi Meitiv, age 10, and his sister Dvora, age 6, were walking along Georgia Avenue in Silver Spring when a passerby spotted them and called the police. A police officer asked the children what they were doing, to which Rafi replied, walking home from the park. The officer then went to the Meitivs’ house to talk with the parents, Alexander and Danielle Meitiv, who were amazed that their efforts to give their children independence has landed them in legal trouble.

In February, 2015, Child Protective Services said the parents committed “unsubstantiated neglect” of their two children,  This means that this agency will keep a file on the family for at least five years, which could leave the Meitivs vulnerable to prosecution if they let their children, walk home unattended again

The couple intend to appeal the finding, and say they will continue to allow their children to play or walk together without adult supervision.  “We don’t feel it was appropriate for an investigation to start, much less conclude that we are responsible for some form of child neglect,” Danielle Meitiv said.  The couple practice what is known as “free-range parenting”, which is a belief that kids should be given the tools and confidence to safely navigate their neighborhood without their parents.

Maryland law prohibits children under the age of eight from being left unattended in a dwelling or car, but makes no reference to the outdoors. Maryland law also allows children from the age of 13 to supervise other children. This may be the case that forces Maryland Courts to clarify the law in this area.  It raises the question of what age should children be considered old enough to be on their own in public.  Also when should authorities step in to trump the rights of parents to decide this question for their children and otherwise decide how to raise their children.

/by James J. Gross

How to Lose a Child Custody Battle

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Sometimes celebrities can teach us what not to do.  TMZ reports that an Atlanta family court judge has awarded Tawanna Iverson custody of her five children with NBA basketball star Allen Iverson.

The judge found that Allen “does not know how to manage the children; has little interest in learning to manage the children and has actually, at times, been a hindrance to their spiritual and emotional growth and development.  For example, he has refused to attend to an obvious and serious alcohol problem, which has caused him to do inappropriate things in the presence of the children while impaired.  He has left the children alone without supervision. He has left his young daughters in a hotel room with men who are unknown to the mother.”

The judge gave Allen visitation on the conditions that he:

  • not drink alcohol for 18 months
  • after that, not drink alcohol within 24 hours of visitation
  • engage in mental health therapy
  • attend AA meetings for a year
/by James J. Gross

Social Media Clauses in Separation Agreements

Divorcing parents routinely add provisions to separation agreements saying they won’t speak ill of the other party in front of the children.  However, some now are adding specific clauses to deal with social media like Facebook and Twitter according to an article by Aisha Sultan in the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

Some provisions deal with managing the children’s online photographs or profiles.  Others prohibit parents from disparaging each other online where the children might someday read it.

University of Missouri professor, Larry Ganong, says social media is just one more thing that angry ex-spouses can fight about.  He says parents may continue to fight after divorce in an effort to control the other spouse’s parenting behavior.

/by James J. Gross

Marbles

This morning on the way to the bus, my 12 year old son was telling me about an app on his iPhone that allowed him to listen to NFL games.

“When I was your age, we didn’t have the Internet,” I told him.   “We had something else.  It was called outdoors.”

“What kind of game was that?” he asked me.

“We went out the door in the morning and played marbles until it was dinner time,” I said.  “I bet you’ve never even heard of marbles.”

I was all set to teach my son the grand game of marbles when I got home from work today.  Then I thought I’d better Google it.  And guess what?  I found out you can play a virtual game of marbles on the Internet.

/by James J. Gross

Older Dads

There is an emerging brotherhood of men in their 40s, 50s or 60s, according to the Tucson Citizen, who are raising young children.  Some of them have adult children and grandchildren as well.  They can get the senior discount and the child’s discount at the same place.

Many men in the Baby Boomers generation married young, worked hard and built their careers.  Then they got divorced and may have remarried a younger spouse who wanted children.

“These men are doing it the second time around, often with women half their age,” says Michael Kimmel, a sociologist at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, N.Y. He calls the phenomenon “serial paternity.”  For some this is an opportunity to repeat their child-rearing experiences, and in some cases, to get it right the second time.

The men interviewed said it was worth it, even with sleepless nights and cranky kids.  Most have more time, more patience and more financial resources than when they were younger.

Health was a concern.  Most of the fathers said they exercise regularly to keep up with their kids.

/by James J. Gross

Kids News

Laura Doerflinger, MS, a licensed mental health counselor, has a good idea for co-parenting by email.  She suggests each parent pick a day to publish a Kids Mail email.  For example if you drop the children off Sunday night, publish Kid News Monday morning.  What to include?

  1. School:  Grades, homework, school incidents, forms that need to be filled out, conferences,  etc.
  2. Health:  Colds, doctor appointments, dentist, counseling, moods, etc.
  3. Financial:  Payments due or parenting plan division of costs for activities, medical expenses, etc.
  4. Schedule:  Changes to the current schedule, changes in your child’s plans, holiday times, etc.
  5. Vacations:  Clarification of times and plans – phone numbers, etc.
  6. Upcoming Events:  Social, school, extracurricular or sport activities.

Doerflinger suggests avoiding control issues by not giving instructions and relating only the facts.  Limit the news to co-parenting issues.  This is not a place to discuss your relationship.  Respond to the items that need responses and be sure to thank the other parent for the effort.

/by James J. Gross

Peace on Earth

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Let’s Call a Truce in the Father’s Rights Versus Mother’s Right Battle

Custody battles can get pretty ugly. People do and say things they normally wouldn’t because the stakes are the highest they can be, namely, the children. Father’s rights and mother’s rights are often pitted against each other.

But the highest correlation to a child’s stability and well-being after a divorce is the health of the parent’s relationship.

So let’s call a truce to hostilities until the New Year. Put aside your disputes and differences for the sake of the children and let them have a conflict free holiday season.

The best holiday gift you can give them is to let them know they are loved by their mothers and fathers.

/by James J. Gross