Tag Archive for: infidelity

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford asked to skip the part about marital fidelity in his wedding vows 20 years ago Jenny Sanford told Barbara Walters in an interview.  Ms Sanford’s book “Stay True” will be released the same day.

“It bothered me to some extent,” said the estranged first lady, “but . . . we were very young; we were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it . . . along with other doubts that I had.”

Ms. Sanford found out about her husband’s affair and has filed for divorce. The governor told several different versions of his whereabouts until The Columbia State newspaper confronted him with emails between him and his Argentine lover.

Why do obviously smart women like Ms. Sanford and Ms. Edwards not discover their husband’s affairs earlier? It’s a case of deceiver and denier.  The Deceiver is not ready to leave the marriage, so when the Denier asks questions like, “What’s wrong?” the Deceiver replies, “Nothing”.  The Denier wants to believe it.  Infidelity is not a concept that is possible in the Denier’s universe.  So he or she is blinded to the clues that are left by the Deceiver.

The Telegraph in the U.K. reports that one in five divorce petitions filed by Divorce-Online contain references to Facebook.

The divorce lawyers claim that social websites like Facebook fuel divorces because they tempt people to cheat on their spouses.  They cite inappropriate sexual chats or flirty emals and messages discovered by suspicious spouses.

JR Raphael at PC World sees it differently.  The problem is not Facebook he says.  The problem is cheating spouses.  Facebook is only the medium.

“To hide one lie, a thousand lies are needed.”
– Saying in India

Tiger Woods found out the hard way.

If you are going to cheat, your spouse will find out about it.  There are no secrets.  Your paramour will tell somebody or somebody will see you together.  That somebody will tell someone else.  Eventually word will get back to your spouse.

Actions have consequences.  You may think they don’t, but they do.  Ask any divorce lawyer.  If you’re going to play, you have to pay.  Think about the consequences before you act.  Is it worth the cost?

You choose your actions.  You can choose to be faithful and committed to your marriage or not.  But affairs don’t just happen.  People don’t fall out of love with their spouses.  They make a choice.  What choices are you making in your life?

The infamous “C Street House” will make a good novel and movie.  The Christian home for legislators near the U.S. Capitol Building in Washington, DC seems to be another Peyton Place.

The Associated Press reports that earlier this week Leisha Pickering filed a lawsuit against Elizabeth Creekmore Byrd of Jackson, Mississippi, for alienation of affection (a suit that is barred in MD, VA and DC but not in Mississippi).

Mrs. Pickering is divorcing Chip Pickering, a former Republican Congressman, now a lobbyist.  She alleges that Chip Pickering and Creekmore Byrd had an affair while Pickering was in Congress and living at the C Street House.

Paul Simon, in his famous song, told us there must be fifty ways to leave your lover. I wonder if he counted the two new ways we saw on television this week:

1.  Use Your Reality TV Show.

Monday night, John and Kate Gosselin announced their separation and intention to divorce on cable tv.  This came amid months of tabloid speculation concerning extramarital affairs.  The show got its highest ratings ever.  The parties say they are going to split custody of their eight children equally.  The children will stay in the house and the parties will alternate living there in what is called a nesting arrangement.

2.  Call a Press Conference.

On Wednesday, Mark Sanford, 49, governor of South Carolina, held a news conference and announced that he had been unfaithful to his wife.  He had been missing for several days and told his staff that he was going hiking on the Appalachian Trail.  However, a newspaper report confronted him in Atlanta getting off a plan arriving from Buenos Aires, Argentina.  His public confession came just before the newspaper broke the story of his mistress in Argentina.

Story #1.  A young man learns that a woman he is dating is pregnant.  Although he is not in love with her, he marries her because that is the right thing to do.  He manages to complete college and finds a job with the government.  Although he is a good provider for his family, his wife constantly berates him, argues with him, criticizes him, and withholds marital relations from him.  He tries to talk to her about their marital strife, and asks her to go to marital counseling,  but it is hopeless.  In desperation, he seeks solace elsewhere and begins a relationship with another woman.  He and the other woman are truly in love and he has a child with the other woman.  He takes on a second job to support his child from the second relationship.  He tries hard not to disrupt his marriage but after several years of trying, he cannot take it any more, and asks his wife for a divorce.  He is the father and sole support of two young children and he should not be punished for trying to do the right thing.

Story #2.  A young man learns that a woman he is dating is pregnant.  He marries her.  He then begins a life of deceit.  Although he has a child with her, he cheats on her.  He goes away on trips, seldom spends time with his wife and child, and finally impregnates another woman.  He begins a double life with his married family and his girlfriend and child on the side.  He takes money from his married family to support his girlfriend.  After several years, his wife finally discovers his infidelity and files for divorce.  This man is a liar and a coward and has dissipated his families marital assets.

If you were the judge, how would you divide assets and determine support in these two cases?  Would it be different in each case?

The interesting thing is that both scenarios are the same case.  The first is the story told by the husband’s attorney and the second is the story told by the wife’s attorney.  Which story will the judge buy into?  The judge will make a decision because that is what we pay the judges to do.  But real life is not always so black and white as the judge’s final order is.  There are always shades of gray and some truth in both stories.

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with the economy, Donald Trump says that hard economic times bring out financial infidelity.  Couples are hiding their spending from each other. In a blog called “Cheating with the Checkbook”, Trump says a Harris Interactive survey of nearly 2,000 people in a committed relationship found that 29 percent of them admitted to lying to their partner about their spending habits.  He advises you not to be unfaithful with your finances if you want to have a good partnership.