Married Men and Fathers’ Rights

My wife sent me this email today that is making the rounds on the Internet. We need a father brave enough to write a response in the comments section.

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

5 replies
  1. Elusive Wapiti
    Elusive Wapiti says:

    Hi Mr. Gross,

    I’m a dad–divorced and remarried one at that–and I’ll bite.

    As extreme as this post sounds at first read, and as artificial as the constraints are (no telly, no fast food), I don’t think this is all that difficult. Especially so since most of the busy schedule is self-induced (more on that later).

    Yes, there will be some early mornings getting the kids out the door by 7, presumably for school. But that means that the block of time from 7 AM to about 3 PM is free to be used at will. That’s 8 whole hours, 5 days per week. On weekends, one has 3 extra sets of hands to do something, if nothing else than to get out of the house and go play outside.

    Housework doesn’t take that much time–I know, I do a lot of it (but not most of it)–and there is a lot of disposable free time in an 8-hour day, even after dishes and the laundry and the vacuuming are done. Maybe even time for a nap, even get a leg up on dinner, before 3 PM rolls around and the “taxi-service” circus starts to all those sports and music and dance lessons.

    Likewise, nighttime duties aren’t difficult, just need discipline to stay on schedule and get the kids washed up and in bed by 9.

    As for all that rote memorization of data? Please. Give me a calendar for the birthdays/occaisions, and give me an hour before the test at the end of the 6-week period and I’ll ace that test no problem.

    What go my attention the most in this post is the overscheduling involved. Too much emphasis on things not so important…that also tax the family resources…and not enough on the important ones, such as family time. No need here to run oneself ragged trying to be Supermom or -dad. I mean, 6 sports + 3 extra-curricular activities in a six-week period? Talk about the need to downsize! Maybe a little downshifting will help with those unpaid bills, too.

    In all seriousness, if this email that you received is indicative of how mothers really perceive reality, then it’s clear to me that the biggest enemy of maternal happiness is the mother herself. She’s the one who’s busy heaping activities and extra-curriculars onto her (and the family’s) collective plate, and it’s lethal to their happiness and the health of their relationships with their kids and husbands.

  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    How about six veteran moms are dropped on a beach alongside hundreds of young men. These young men are in the best shape of their lives, each with a bright future. Each mom must find their own son in the crowd. But, before they know what the hell is happening, machine gun fire rips one of them apart at the waist and in her dying words, she gasps, “find my son”. Then, the other five run frantically back toward into the water screaming as machine guns and mortar rounds leave their bodies bloody and lifeless on the shore. Meanwhile, the hundreds of young men bravely charge up the sandy hills in an attempt to win this battle that will decide whether the USA and Europe remain free countries. Some of them never make it home. Others do. The ones that do eventually become Dads and spend the rest of their lives providing for unappreciative wives and selfish children. They watch as weak minded politicians slowly but surely give away what they fought to defend. And they take wives, who for the most part, have not really sacrificed anything except the opportunity to act like a man (show up for work everyday and earn money for the benefit of others). They father children who have been taught by our schools and their mothers that men couldn’t handle the “tough job of being a mother” despite the fact that the job of being a Dad is 200 times more demanding. FYI ladies, you can’t get fired from your position as “Mom”. But, if Dad wakes up and has a bad day, it seems as though everybody is put at risk. Ladies, men did their own laundry and cooked their own meals before they met you. They died in war, invented everything you use in your homes on a daily basis, typically wake up before you and go to bed after you, bought you your pathetic bragging-rights diamond and bought you the BMW that you’re driving. So, if you don’t want to be a “Mom”, don’t sign up for the duty! Otherwise, grin and bear it like men do everyday.

  3. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Curious, I don’t recall anything about where the money came from or all the stress that comes out of working a job @ 10 hrs./day in an 8 hr. day plus the driving time to support the family.
    All that aside, I worked 10hrs/day and often on Saturdays. Got the kids up for breakfast, fed them, made their lunches, coached/officiated and/or attended all their after school activities.
    Where was Mom? She was busy spending money on countless failed businesses, or spending more time with p/t foster kids in our home. A worthy cause to be sure, but not at the emotional expense to your own children.
    Shaving my legs? No need. All the testosterone has gone to supporting the Gold mine, to which I got the shaft.

  4. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    I have to say that this is the most ridiculous article I have ever read. When I checked my email this morning I could have sworn the date read 2008 and not 1955. It is highly unfortunate that society – male and female alike – still adhere to the stereotype that the mothers are always the primary caregivers. It takes a special kind of PERSON (man OR woman) to raise children. Believe me… I know.

    I am a single mother who has raised my son for 9 years with no help (financially or otherwise) from his dead beat father. In fact, he hasn’t even seen his son for 2 years. But what has put me in a unique position is the fact that I am faced with the reverse every single day while my boyfriend and I deal with his irresponsible ex-wife (in fact, I came across this website while researching fathers receiving full custody).

    Every single duty listed is done by him and him only. I provide help when needed, but, to be honest, it’s not needed much – he can handle it. He’s the one who had to buy new shoes for his daughter last week because her mom didn’t know her shoe size and bought her a size too small AND refused to listen to their daughter when she complained they hurt her feet. He’s the one who takes them to doctor’s appointments, cub scout meetings, and dance classes. He’s the one who advocated his son’s school meet with board members and doctors to come up with a plan that will assist with his son’s ADHD. And he’s the one taking the kids to church every weekend we have them – not his ex-wife (despite the fact that her father is a preacher!).

    To say this article is sexist just simply doesn’t cover it. It takes all of those things and more to be a good PARENT. And, it takes more than a set of ovaries and a few hours of labor to be a good mother.

    One more note – if there is a woman out there who is living this scenario of having to do all of these things with little or no help as this article implies? I’d suggest getting a good couples therapist.

  5. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    This article is so absurd. I am married to a man who has 2 children from a prior marriage. The ex-wife is remarried, has a masters degree (since before the divorce) and choses to stay home and collect $3,500 a month from us (for the past 9 years now).

    Oh her job is so difficult….. Why not go back to work and pay someone to babysit when the children get home from school at 3:30 pm (they are 10 and 11)…. This way we can get a lower modification of child support and you can stop spending the childrens money on expensive cars for your own luxury.

    My husband would love to be able to stay home with our children, but unfortunately we both have to work in order to pay the ex-wife a ridiculous amount of money.

    Forget about an island for a few weeks, how about forever!!! All dads really want is to spend time with their children, however the courts make them pay money in order to see the kids.

    Its women like this that give all of us hard working women a bad name!!! Get back to work and support your children equally!!! Stop overscheduling your children so you don’t have to babysit them.

    P.S. your children are almost old enough to know how much money of theirs is being spent by you. We’ve already starting explaining it to them… What are you going to say when they ask where the $42,000 a year went, and why you have no college fund set up for them. Oh boohoo for you when we give them allowances of $3,500 a month to live with us, just so we don’t have to pay you.

    Sincerely yours,
    Working Woman fighting for divorced dads rights

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