(To the tune of “Santa Baby” by Joan Javits)

Lawyer baby, just slip a complaint across your desk, for me
So I can get my divorce quickly
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer baby, a ’54 convertible too, light blue,
And half the other property
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellows that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be just as good
With everything on my divorce list

Lawyer baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot
Been an angel all year
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine,
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques,
Sign your x on the line
Lawyer cutie, and hurry file the complaint today

Come and let me pay your fee,
With the cash you will collect for me
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see you get me alimony

Lawyer baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don’t mean on the phone,
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Hurry file the complaint today
Hurry, today.