How to Decathect and Deal with Divorce Feelings


how to decathect and deal with divorce feelings

Divorce is painful. It helps to have a word to attach to all those painful divorce feelings.

I found this word to be useful in describing the process of healing and letting go that occurs over time in a divorce.

de•ca•thect:  Pronunciation: (de-“ku-thekt’), verb, to withdraw one’s feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object), as in anticipation of a future loss:  He decathected from her in order to cope with their impending divorce. – Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Copyright © 1997, by Random House, Inc., on Infoplease.

How do you decathect?  Here are a couple of tips from cognitive therapy.

  1. Whenever you think of your ex, associate them with something you find unpleasant or revolting.  Imagine them covered with garbage with flies buzzing around.
  2. Wear a rubber band around your wrist.  Whenever you think of your ex, snap the rubber band and say to yourself “Stop!”

These may seem silly, but keep doing it and over time and you will decathect.