Guest post by Corina David
Divorce is a traumatic experience, no matter if this happens after 6 or 16 years of marriage. But despite the bitter taste, it might be the only remedy possible to a relation that is anyway doomed to failure.
When children are involved, the situation becomes even more complicated, as many decide to tolerate each other for a few more years until the children are old enough either to understand or leave home and have their own lives. A relationship like this is like a pair of socks that needs constant mending. And the truth is that despite the laudable intention of being economical, you’ll still have to buy a new pair of socks – better quality maybe. This is pretty much the same with a relation – if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work; get used to the idea, do something and don’t use the children as an excuse.
Priority or not?
Children shouldn’t be an excuse, indeed, but should be a priority. Growing up in a medium where tension can be felt might harm them more in the long term than if you were to cut the bad from its roots.
There are many family law professionals who can provide special counselling sessions to couples who want to divorce. The golden rule is to never speak badly of your partner in front of your children. After all, he’s their father, or she’s their mother.
While traumatic at first, children will eventually get used to the idea. Also, when there is more than one child involved, they should not be “divided” between the parents, even if one of the children may be the father’s or mother’s favourite.
Should the in-laws receive counselling?
Divorce affects not only the children, but the grandparents as well. Sometimes, special counselling sessions for the grandparents may be a good idea, as they might be inclined to partner with their own grown-up children and see the former husband or wife as the “enemy”. Obviously, this will affect the little ones. Grandparents need to understand that while their grown-up children may have had problems, that was just between them and should not let this affect their relation. Family law firms offer advice that can be really helpful. There are also special counsellors that do this.
Remember that words have the power to destroy and to connect, therefore words should only be uttered after they have been wisely thought. And no matter how well you might think you handle the situation, there’s always a case, or someone else’s experience, or words of wisdom that can make a huge difference.
So don’t hide in the closet! Seek advice and talk to people. Divorce happens, the same way life happens, the same way marriage happens. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.