Divorce, adversity and depression often arrive together. Here are some thoughts to help.

Depression is real. I know, I’ve had it.  I can tell you it’s like catching a cold. It hits you suddenly without warning and there’s no “snapping out it”.  You just have to wait for it to run its course or talk it out with a therapist or take some medicine to cure it.

Adversity is part of life. We all have to deal with it.  It is one of the Laws of the Universe. It is the Bear that Bill Cosby said is waiting for you on the fourth curve of the 400-meter track. That’s the last one before the straight-away where you’re supposed to turn on the jets and sprint to the finish line. But the Bear climbs on your back. And he’s carrying a refrigerator.

We grow through adversity.  Think of life as Adversity University.  Only you don’t know you are in a school or what you are learning until later. No adversity equals no growth. It will always be coming at you.  Adversity will always be saying your name while doing pushups on you. You can’t get rid of it.

But you can overcome it with the right tools,  Here are some of the tools I use to deal with the Bear.

Gratitude List.

Write down all the things in your life you are grateful for, like your education, your friends, your smart brain, your family. Also, living in America where you have rights, and not in Russia, North Korea, China, Syria, or Ukraine, or for that matter Mexico, South America, Africa.  Add on your interest, hobbies, things you enjoy day-to-day, and so on.

Gratitude Journal. 

Write down three things that happen to you each day that make you feel good.  Like I had a good breakfast or I finished a task or a good social interaction.

Mantra.

Adopt your own personal slogan or tag line and say it every day.  Here are some of mine. Ichange it from time to time when I find a new one I like.

“I’m having a great day.”

“Sic Parvis Magna”

“Easy, breezy, Parcheesi”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff  – and everything is small stuff”

 “I dance, I  fall, I get up. I keep dancing.”

“Per aspera ad astra”

Purpose.

Mine is to help people with legal problems like divorces, to love my wife and be a good father. Nothing will make you lose the blues faster and forget all your troubles than helping other people with their troubles.  It takes a while to find your purpose. I didn’t find mine until I was in my forties. Or, rather, my purpose found me.

Believe me, you are here for some purpose, and when it finds you, you will know because it will take over your life and pull you out of bed in the morning without hitting the snooze button

Friends.

As I look back on my almost three quarters of a hundred years, I find the most valuable thing I made is friends.