The English language adopted it to mean deadlock, draw, stalemate, or dead end. Imagine what happens when an irresistible force, say Superman, meets an immovable object, like the Incredible Hulk.

Impasse means a situation of no progress.  It is a standstill where the parties involved can’t reach an agreement or find a way forward.

Impasse in Divorce

Frequently it arises in divorce cases when spouses can’t agree on child custody, property division, or spousal and child support.

There are several ways to break an impasse:

• Agree to settlement and compromise.
• Have a trial and let the Judge decide.
• Split the difference.
• Flip a coin.
• Trade for something you really want.
• Mediation.
• Collaborative law.
• Arbitration.
• Hire an expert and accept their recommendation.

Among the advantages of breaking the impasse are cost, control, certainty of result, time, and an end to anxiety. And settlement of an impasse is, unlike a Court Order, unappealable.

Impasse and Child Custody

When an impasse involves children, the stakes are usually higher and the emotions run hotter.  Children are priceless.

Mom says she wants dad to have every other weekend during the school year, and dad says he will not settle for less than 50/50.

But do they know that custody only counts nights not days?  And do they understand the difference between legal custody and residential custody?

Has anybody asked them why they want what they want?  Or can their objectives be met in any other way?

So, I ask the parties to put pictures of the children on the table between us. Whenever the dialogue escalates, I draw their attention to the photos and remind them why we are negotiating.

Getting to a Solution

In many cases, while the parties are talking a solution falls out of the sky that no one thought of before but is acceptable to both parties.

Let us hope the US and Iran find a way to break their impasse.