Where to File to Modify Child Support in Virginia

by Michael F. Callahan

In Virginia, you can file to determine or modify child custody or child support in the circuit courts or in the juvenile and domestic relations district court (JDR).

However, filing a divorce in circuit court when there is a hearing on custody or support within 21 days,  will divest the JDR court of jurisdiction of a pending support or custody case.

Lawyers use this statute in appropriate circumstances to bring the child support issue to circuit court.  When the circuit court concludes a divorce case involving child support, it can order that jurisdiction for any modification of support shall be in the JDR court.

/by James J. Gross

Do You Count Social Security When Dividing Government Pensions?

by Michael F. Callahan

Most pensions, 401(k)’s and other retirement plans pay benefits in addition to social security.  They are not intended to replace social security and employees covered by these plans are also earning social security credits.

When spouses distribute these plans in a divorce, they still have their claim for social security, and no unfairness results.

But some federal retirement plans and state government plans do not supplement social security.  Instead they provide a retirement income without social security.  Both the employee deduction and employer contributions are higher, you do not pay social security taxes, and you are not earning social security credits.

When one spouse has a government plan that does not provide for social security and the other has a plan that does allow for social security, should the court make an adjustment for the social security benefits?   This series of articles will explore Maryland law on that question.

/by James J. Gross

She’s Got A Way With Words: Country Songs We Wish We’d Written

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“She’s Got A Way With Words”
by Blake Shelton

When you put two and two together
You figure out love’s got four letters
I shoulda known that when I met her
But she had to spell it out for me
After all that second guessing
It’s been a long hard history lesson
Hell that’s a class I got an F in
But now I understand perfectlyShe put the her in hurt
She put the why in try
She put the S.O.B. in sober
She put the hang in hangover (hangover)
She put the ex in sex
She put the low in blow
She put a big F.U. in my future
Yeah she’s got a way
She’s got a way with words
Yeah she’s got a way with wordsLittle words like “I” and “do”
Lying, cheating, screwed
Yeah all the words I thought I knew
They got a brand new meaning nowShe put the her in hurt
She put the why in try
She put the S.O.B. in sober
She put the hang in hangover (hangover)
She put the ex in sex
She put the low in blow
She put a big F.U. in my future
Yeah she’s got a way
She’s got a way with words
(Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)
Yeah she’s got a way with words
(Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)She put the her in hurt
She put the why in try
She put the S.O.B. in sober
She put the hang in hangover (hangover)
She put the ex in sex
She put the low in blow
She put a big F.U. in my future
Yeah she’s got a way
She’s got a way with words
(Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)
Yeah she’s got a way with words
(Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)She’s got a way with words
She’s got a way with words
Yeah she’s got a way with words

 

 

/by James J. Gross

Thinking About Divorce

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More than half the married people in the U.S. have thought about divorcing their spouse according to a survey by researchers at Brigham Young University.

However, as the researchers wrote in their study, “thoughts about divorce as just that — thoughts, not concrete actions, decisions, or even deep doubts.”

Thoughts about6 divorce are not only common in marriages, they can actually have a beneficial effect. The researchers say thoughts about divorce can be a needed wake-up call to work on your marriage and promote positive change.

/by James J. Gross

Are You Being Gaslighted?

Every so often I make my kids and my wife watch a one of my favorite old time movies like Citizen Kane or Casa Blanca. They usually raise eyebrows at my suggestions and say something smart alecky like, “Is it in black and white?” But they participate in the “what did you learn from this?” discussion that follows.

I think the next one will be Gaslight, the 1944 film, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband tries to drive his wife crazy using various deceptions including turning down the gaslights in the house.

The term is now used to describe similar emotional abuse and manipulations in marriages and relationships. Even smart people are susceptible to gas lighting. It occurs when you allow the other persons voice to outweigh your own memory and perceptions.

/by James J. Gross

Secret to a Happy Marriage Revealed

Scientists at the University of Georgia have discovered the secret to a long and happy marriage. They surveyed 468 married people and asked questions about finance, communication and expressions of gratitude by their spouses.

“We found that feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last,” said Ted Futris, co-author of the study.

They also found that spousal gratitude can solve negative problems in other areas of the relationship as well, such a money problems or arguments.

The most consistent significant predictor of marital quality in the study turned out to be spousal expression of gratitude, that is saying thank you. “It goes to show the power of ‘thank you,’” Allen Barton, lead author, said. “Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

The secret of a long and happy marriage? Thank your spouse at every opportunity.

/by James J. Gross

A Course in Miracles Divorce Quote

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“Let miracles replace all grievances.” — A Course in Miracles

/by James J. Gross

US Supreme Court Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

The U.S. Supreme Court handed down a 5-4 decision today legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. The decision was written by Justice Anthony Kennedy, who says in the last paragraph:

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.

/by James J. Gross

Sweatpants Are Number One Reason for Divorce

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Eva Mendes says the number one reason for divorce is sweatpants.  That got a lot of pushback on social media but I think I know what she meant.  Sweatpants is just a symbol for a way of life.

In the sixties, some men grew their hair long.  Others objected to that.  But it wasn’t really the long hair they were objecting to.  They were really objecting to the hippie lifestyle and liberal belief system that long hair represented.

Think of a complicated set of beliefs as a suitcase.  Then use another word as a handle to carry that suitcase around.  For example, lawyers use the handle res ipsa loquitur meaning “the thing speaks for itself”.  This is a presumption that helps prove something by circumstantial evidence.  An example is if you see a broken flower pot on the sidewalk and a ledge above with flower pots, you can presume the flower pot fell off the ledge even though you didn’t see it happen.  But that’s too complicated to explain to the judge every time, so a lawyer might just say “res ipsa” and the judge knows what the lawyer means.

I think that Ms. Mendes was using sweatpants as a shortcut to say that you have to work at a marriage.  She meant you can’t just have an I-don’t-care sweatpants attitude about your relationship.  You have to bring a yoga pants attitude to your marriage.  That means you need to care about your spouse and your marriage.   And that means doing things like saying “I love you”, showing affection, talking, and being interested in their life.

/by James J. Gross