Mother-in-Law Pre-nup

I was listening to the gang at The Kane Show on the radio as I drove to work. They were talking about a Mother-in-Law Prenup. A Mother-in-Law Prenup is an agreement signed before marriage to ensure grandparent visitation rights if one of the spouses dies or divorces.

You could also have a post-nuptial agreement, and it could be a Father-in-Law agreement. Or you could have a Grandparent’s Agreement even if the parents are not married.

While the parties may abide by the agreement, it may be unenforceable if they do not. The courts have the power to decide what visitation is in the best interests of the child. And the US Supreme Court decided in Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000), that a parent’s visitation schedule is presumptuously better for the child than a grandparent’s visitation schedule.

The grandparents can overcome the presumption but it’s not easy to do. On the other hand, the parent will have to be prepared to explain why they thought the grandparent visitation schedule was in the child’s best interest when they signed the agreement and why they do not think so now.

/by James J. Gross

Parents Spend Two Million Dollars Fighting Over Custody

,

“How much will my custody case cost?” is a question I hear over and over.  I don’t know is the answer.  If things go well, if both parents and attorneys are reasonable, and you are lucky, the cost may be below my initial retainer of $5,000 and you will get a refund. If you get into litigation, your fees could be two or three times that, or even more.  The sky really is the limit.

Witness the Toronto case known as M. and F.  The mother alleged that the father was not entited to overnight visits with their six year old son because he had been violent toward her.  That made him, according to the mother, unsafe to be alone with the child. The mother owns a successful insurance brokerage.  The father is a lawyer.

The trial lasted 34 days. Then the case went to the Ontario Court of Appeal.  In the end, the father won.  The court ordered the mother to pay $540,000 of the father’s legal fees.  The total amount of legal fees spent by the two parents was over two million dollars.

/by James J. Gross

Abraham Lincoln’s Letter to His Son’s Teacher

He will have to learn, I know,
that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that
for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician,
there is a dedicated leader…
Teach him for every enemy there is a
friend,

Steer him away from envy,
if you can,
teach him the secret of
quiet laughter.

Let him learn early that
the bullies are the easiest to lick… Teach him, if you can,
the wonder of books…
But also give him quiet time
to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun,
and the flowers on a green hillside.

In the school teach him
it is far honourable to fail
than to cheat…
Teach him to have faith
in his own ideas,
even if everyone tells him
they are wrong…
Teach him to be gentle
with gentle people,
and tough with the tough.

Try to give my son
the strength not to follow the crowd
when everyone is getting on the band wagon…
Teach him to listen to all men…
but teach him also to filter
all he hears on a screen of truth,
and take only the good
that comes through.

Teach him if you can,
how to laugh when he is sad…
Teach him there is no shame in tears,
Teach him to scoff at cynics
and to beware of too much sweetness…
Teach him to sell his brawn
and brain to the highest bidders
but never to put a price-tag
on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears
to a howling mob
and to stand and fight
if he thinks he’s right.
Treat him gently,
but do not cuddle him,
because only the test
of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage
to be impatient…
let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always
to have sublime faith in himself,
because then he will have
sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order,
but see what you can do…
He is such a fine fellow,
my son!

— Hat tip to David Goldberg, Maryland Family Law Mediator, for bringing this to our attention.

 

/by James J. Gross

Would You Let Your Children Walk Home Alone

Rafi Meitiv, age 10, and his sister Dvora, age 6, were walking along Georgia Avenue in Silver Spring when a passerby spotted them and called the police. A police officer asked the children what they were doing, to which Rafi replied, walking home from the park. The officer then went to the Meitivs’ house to talk with the parents, Alexander and Danielle Meitiv, who were amazed that their efforts to give their children independence has landed them in legal trouble.

In February, 2015, Child Protective Services said the parents committed “unsubstantiated neglect” of their two children,  This means that this agency will keep a file on the family for at least five years, which could leave the Meitivs vulnerable to prosecution if they let their children, walk home unattended again

The couple intend to appeal the finding, and say they will continue to allow their children to play or walk together without adult supervision.  “We don’t feel it was appropriate for an investigation to start, much less conclude that we are responsible for some form of child neglect,” Danielle Meitiv said.  The couple practice what is known as “free-range parenting”, which is a belief that kids should be given the tools and confidence to safely navigate their neighborhood without their parents.

Maryland law prohibits children under the age of eight from being left unattended in a dwelling or car, but makes no reference to the outdoors. Maryland law also allows children from the age of 13 to supervise other children. This may be the case that forces Maryland Courts to clarify the law in this area.  It raises the question of what age should children be considered old enough to be on their own in public.  Also when should authorities step in to trump the rights of parents to decide this question for their children and otherwise decide how to raise their children.

/by James J. Gross

Those Winter Sundays

by Robert Hayden

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?

/by James J. Gross

Most Expensive Divorce Ever

, ,

Dmitry Rybolovlev, one of the richest people in Russia, is about to set the record for most expensive divorce.  A Swiss judge has ordered Dmitry to pay his ex-wife Elena a $4.5 billion divorce settlement.  Dmitry became a billionaire by privatizing a fertilizer plant in Russia.  His net worth is estimated at $8.8 billion.

The judge also gave Elena ownership of real estate in Switzerland worth $145 million and custody of their 13 year old daughter.  Elena and Dmitry met as students and had been married since 1987.

The previous record is held by Rupert Murdoch.  Rupert paid $1.7 billion to his ex-wife Anna in 1991 in cash and Newscorp stock.

/by James J. Gross

Custody of Children

,

Guest post by David Williamson

Mothers Obtain Child Custody More Often than Fathers

In 82% of cases, mothers get custody of the children.  One reason for this may be, that On a purely statistical stand point, mothers are the primary up-bringer of the children (data:  2009). Even in cases where both parents work, statistics show mothers spend twice as much time engaged in primary childcare responsibilities than the fathers with mothers at 12.9 hours a week and fathers at 6.5 hours.

Court Involvement in Child Custody

In terms of how courts involve themselves in the custody process, a mere 4% of cases are actually litigated.  The vast majority of cases are settled long before trial.    In 51 percent of custody cases, both parents agreed on their own that the mother should have custody.

  • In 29 percent of custody cases, there was no third party involvement.
  • In 11 percent of custody cases, the parties agreed during mediation that the mother should have custdoy.
  • In 5 percent of custody cases, the issue was resolved after a custody evaluation.

Only 4 percent of custody cases went to trial.  Even of that 4 percent, only 1.5 percent completed custody litigation.  Fathers won about half of those litigated cases.  Approximately 91 percent of child custody cases are decided outside of court.

Child Support

When it comes down to child support post settlement, there is another gender divide. In 2009, mothers would get on average $5,997 in child support, whereas fathers would only get $5,601. The problems for fathers doesn’t end there, however, as only 30% of custodial fathers receive any child support, compared to 55% of custodial mothers. To put this in perspective, then, 91% of total child support dollars are given to custodial mothers, and 9% to custodial fathers.

These statistics seem to show a stark difference between male and female custodial experiences. The figures show an average, however, so it would be unwise to lean to heavily on this picture when considering how your situation might unfold. Should you require further information and an informal discussion regarding your individual circumstances, get in touch with one of Coles-Law Solicitor’s Family Lawyers for expert advice.

/by Guest Post

Outrageous Behavior

, ,

Justin Steen, a divorce lawyer, woke up without an alarm every morning at exactly 5:00 am.  After his workout routine, he arrived at his office at 7:00 am and start organizing his day.  The phone rang at 9:00 a.m.

“Mr. Steen, it’s Julie Palmer,” said the caller, “You’ll never believe what my husband did now.”

“What did he do, Julie?”

“He booked our twelve year old on a ski trip without even telling me!”

“That’s outrageous.  I’ll call his attorney right now and follow up with a strong letter.  Don’t worry.  This will work against him when we get to trial.”

As soon as Justin hung up with Julie, the phone rang again.

“Hello, Mr. Steen, this is Ken Stevens,” said the caller.  “My wife has our daughter stuck in a day care center which is boring and just a glorified baby sitter.  I want to enroll her in a horseback riding program for the summer and my wife is against it.

“Why that’s outrageous.  I’ll call her lawyer right now and follow up with a strong letter.  Don’t worry.  This will work against her when we get to trial.”

/by James J. Gross

Ready, Fire, Aim

, ,

A Story of Balancing Mother’s Rights and Father’s Rights

“My client was shocked to learn that your client has enrolled their 5 year old son in the swim team at the community pool,” the letter from the mother’s divorce lawyer started.

The father’s lawyer scanned it to the father by email.  By the next day he had received three drafts of a four page letter from the father explaining all the benefits of swim team.  The father wanted the lawyer to send the letter to the mother’s attorney.

“Wait until I speak with her,” the lawyer told the father.

“Why?” asked the father.  “I want her to know, for the record, that I’m not the bad guy here.   And I didn’t do it just because my new girlfriend is the coach of the swim team.”

“First of all,” replied the father’s lawyer, “she won’t believe you.  Second, there is no record.  Third, I don’t try my case in letters.  And finally, I don’t know why, but my intuition and experience tell me to wait until I speak with opposing counsel.”

Five days later, the mother’s attorney called.  The mother was concerned that she had been left out of the decision making process.  She wanted to know how many lifeguards were on duty, their ages, and what training they had.  These were easy to provide and the problem was solved. The father’s letter was put in the file and never sent.

/by James J. Gross

Paternity Tests Ordered in Cleveland Kidnapping

Police have ordered DNA tests to determine whether Ariel Castro is the father of Amanda Berry’s 6 year old daughter.  He is accused of kidnapping and raping Berry and two other women and holding them captive in his Cleveland home for years.

Many will find it hard to believe that a person convicted of such awful crimes would be able to assert any parental rights such as custody and visitation.

But Maryland, DC and Virginia are among the majority of jurisdictions that do not have laws terminating parental rights upon conviction of rape of the birth mother. So is Ohio.  If Castro sues for custody and visitation, the judge will have to decide based on what’s in the best interest of the child.

/by James J. Gross