Couples with Children Added to Maryland Mutual Consent Divorce

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The Maryland legislature added Mutual Consent as grounds for divorce for couples without minor children in 2015 to allow divorce without a waiting period if the parties had a written agreement.  Section 7-103 of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code.

Now the legislature has added couples with minor children to the statute so long as (a) a Maryland Child Support Guidelines Worksheet is attached to the Agreement if the Agreement provides for child support, and (b) the court finds the sections of the Agreement with respect to the children are in the best interests of those children.

The law, if not vetoed by the Governor, will take effect October 1, 2018.

/by James J. Gross

Learning to Listen

I used to argue like my son.  He knows he is right and you are wrong.  He won’t give up until he wins.

I hope he gets over it.  It took me plenty long enough.

I’ve told him about this poem from my childhood:

Convince a man against his will,

He’s of the same opinion still.

People think if they repeat something enough times or talk long enough, you will finally smack your palm against your forehead and say, “Oh, now I understand!”

What you miss when you do this are other ideas and ways of looking at things.  When you can hold your own point of view and respect and listen to another point of view, life is much richer and abundant.

/by James J. Gross

What Would Helga Do?

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One of my clients was having difficulties dealing with her controlling husband in a divorce.  He was  always dictating times and dates when my client could see or call their child.

Finally my client said “enough” and started pushing back.  She emailed her husband a clear and strong statement of how things were going to be from now on.  When he didn’t respond, she wrote him that she would take his silence as acquiescence.

I call this “What would Helga Do?”  Helga was another client.   She was from Germany.  She had her own business.  In her 70’s she became a ski instructor so she could ski for free.

Helga did not allow a speck of dust to settle in her office.  Her books were balanced to the penny every night.  If she hired you to repair something, you better do it right.

My wife worked for her.   Whenever we are having trouble with someone, like a repairman or other vendor, we say, “What would Helga do?”  She would not put up with bad behavior.

/by James J. Gross

Changing Custody After Divorce

The email from the father read, “You handled my divorce 10 years ago.  My wife has custody of my 15 year old son who now wants to come live with me.  Can custody be changed after the divorce?”

“Yes,”  I replied.  “The easiest way to do it is to prepare an Amendment to the Separation Agreement and a Consent Order for the Court which incorporates the Amendment.”

“What is she doesn’t agree?”

“Then we can ask the Court to decide by filing a Motion to Modify Custody.  We will also ask the Court to recalculate child support based on the new custody arrangement.”

/by James J. Gross

Leave the Woodpile a Little Higher

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by James J. Gross

One thing I learned in cub scouts and boy scouts was always leave the woodpile a little higher.  Sometimes we camped out at campsites that had a woodpile.  If you used some of the wood for your fire, you were supposed to replace it and add a little more than you took for the next camper.  By extrapolation, it also meant leave your campsite cleaner than you found it.

I thought of this as I was picking up my teenage sons’ clothes off the floor of their rooms, turning off the lights they left on, and putting their dishes in the dishwasher.  No matter which one of them I ask, it is always the other one that did it.  My comeback to them is going to be – leave the woodpile a little higher.

As I start work this morning, my thoughts turn to the clients I’m helping as they struggle through their divorces.  It occurs to me that each of us, as we pass through life, whether helping others through our work or raising kids, can leave the woodpile a little higher.

 

/by James J. Gross

Pet Custody

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by James J. Gross

You can get custody of minor children in a divorce but not a pet in Maryland, DC and Virginia and most other states.  The law views pets as personal property, with no more rights than a table, chair or lamp.

But if you live in Alaska, divorce court judges are now required to consider the well-being of the pet under a new law.  The court may award custody of a pet on the basis of what is best for the animal, not the human owners.

The law also allows judges to include pets in domestic violence protection orders.

/by James J. Gross

Changes Not Material Enough to Modify Custody

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We warned in Changing Child Custody that it was hard to know in a close case whether a material change in circumstances would warrant a change in child custody until the judge decides. This post reviews changes not material enough to modify custody.

In Changes in Circumstances Mean Changes in Custody we provided a list of changes compiled over the years that were “material” enough to result in a change in the custody agreement or order.  The list included “A combination of changes over the years that make the current custody arrangement unworkable, difficult or very much less than ideal.”

A recent Virginia case, Friedichs v. Brown, highlights the problem.  Mr. Fredrichs argued  that the following changes in circumstances warranted a change in custody:

(1) the children’s development had evolved,

(2) the children had a closer relationship with him, and

(3) the mother was being uncooperative.

The circuit court ruled that these were not material changes, dismissed his complaint, and awarded the mother $43,462.20 for the attorney’s fees she incurred defending.  The Virginia Court of Appeals affirmed.

/by Michael Callahan

Change in Circumstances Means Changes in Custody

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Sometimes you don’t know whether a change in circumstances is material until after trial when the judge rules.  Perhaps this will help.  Here is a partial list, compiled from our cases over the years, of changed circumstances that courts have found, or both parents conceded, were material:

  1. One parent wants to relocate with the child.
  2. One parent is relocating without the child so the current timesharing or visitation schedule will not work.
  3. The parents share physical custody equally, live in different school districts and the child is nearing kindergarten age.
  4. One parent’s mental health has deteriorated
  5. Remarriage of one parent if it affects child-rearing.
  6. Substantial change in employment location/hours of work.
  7. A combination of changes over the years that make the current custody arrangement unworkable, difficult or very much less than ideal.

If one or more of these changes are present and the current custody arrangement is no longer in your child’s best interest, it is time to seek a change. Start by communicating this to the other parent and inviting feedback.

If you don’t make progress with direct discussions, consider suggesting that you and your former spouse work with a mediator skilled in child custody matters. Custody disputes are well suited for resolution through mediation. Also, look at the dispute resolution procedures, if any, in your custody agreement.

A good family lawyer or divorce attorney experienced in custody matters will be helpful to you throughout this process and will be essential if you bring your custody matter to the court for resolution.

/by Michael Callahan

Changing Child Custody

Changing child custody is a special case in the law. Most lawsuits end when the parties settle or the court decides the case. If you are disappointed you can’t return to court and sue the same person over the same matter. Courts and lawyers would say your second attempt is barred by the doctrine of res judicata – a thing decided.

If you and the other parent agree or the court orders a certain custody arrangement and things change – you can sue or be sued by the same person for the same matter.  The law recognizes that the thing, your wonderful child or children, can grow and change.

The key is a material change in circumstances of the child or one or both parents. If there has been such a change the court can look at the new circumstances and decide what is best for the child now. If there has not – the suit is one for the same thing that the court already decided and it is barred – res judicata. 

How do you know whether a change in circumstances is material?  Sometimes it is obvious but in close cases you won’t know until the judge decides.

/by Michael Callahan

Peak Divorce Season Is Here

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A study at the University of Washington found that divorce filings peaked in March and August.

Trying to explain this phenomenon, Associate Professor Julie Brines said these months follow winter and summer family holidays.  Troubled couples may believe they can fix their relationships with a happy holiday or vacation, but in reality these times can bring even more stress and disappointment to the participants.

Couples with children may want to start a divorce before the new school year starts.

/by James J. Gross