Settling your divorce case out of court is almost always better than a divorce trial. But so many people don’t know how to use principled negotiation techniques to reach a settlement. Here are some examples of the wrong way to respond to an offer:
Give an Ultimatum.
I received a response to a divorce settlement offer last week that was dead on arrival. It said its terms were “non-negotiable”. I have never seen that work. Instead it closes down the settlement discussions. The same can be said for deadlines pulling the offer, like “You have one week to say yes to this counteroffer or it is revoked forever.” A lawyer I know expressed a better attitude when he said, “Everything I’ve got is negotiable.”
If you receive an offer that numbers the issues, like (1) child custody, (2) child support, and so on, don’t start your response by telling me that your spouse won’t agree to a visitation schedule. Respond in the same order, using the same numbers, and propose a visitation schedule that you want. Save the blame for court.
Throw Out Everything.
I have received more than one letter from opposing counsel that my client‘s offer is ridiculous or unreasonable or unacceptable. What am I supposed to do with that? It would be more helpful for them to say which items are unacceptable and propose a counteroffer.
The purpose of negotiation to is reduce difference between offer and counteroffer until you reach a settlement. If you are increasing the difference, you are not going anywhere. Once you have offered alimony of $2,000 a year, it will be impossible to get your spouse to accept $1,000 a month in the next round of negotiations.
The right way to respond to an offer of settlement is through principled negotiations. That means you respond specifically and directly only to the items in dispute, state your objections clearly, and propose compromises.