The Divorce Lawyer Answer Desk: Should I Tell My Wife About My Affair?
“I had an affair with a woman I work with a few years ago,” said the prospective divorce client in Attorney Hamilton Starke’s office. “I think I should tell my wife about it.”
“No, no, no!’ exclaimed Starkes. “Look, your guilt is making you want to confess. But the more you explain, the more problems you will create.”
“But I thought Maryland was no-fault divorce?”
Grounds for Divorce
“No-fault applies to grounds for divorce. Maryland has both fault and no-fault grounds for divorce,” Starkes explained. “We started with only fault grounds which are desertion, adultery, imprisonment, and insanity. Then we added the no-fault grounds which are currently one-year separation and mutual consent.”
“In a contested divorce, even one brought on no-fault grounds, a judge must consider fault in determining the amount and duration of alimony,” Starkes continued. “Or, as the law puts it, the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the parties. That includes fault such as an affair.”
“And that’s not the only trouble a confession will bring to your case,” Starkes said. “Maryland law requires a three-step procedure for distributing property. In Step One the judge identifies the marital property of the parties. In Step Two the judge values the marital property. In Step Three the judge adjusts the equities if necessary with a Monetary Award.
In determining a Monetary Award,” Starke explained, “the judge must consider several factors including the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the parties. So here we are, back to fault again.”
Confession or Discretion
“So I should lie to her?” asked the prospect. Is that what you’re saying?”
“No,” Starkes said, “Always tell the truth. You just don’t always have to be telling it.”